Growing up in a big close knit family like I did there were things that remained constant at any family gathering. There would be a ton of kids, lots of taking and laughing, an abundance of food, and of course my Grandma was the head of it all. I have so many memories of family dinners, holidays, summertime, and after school nights in her house it seems lie the majority of my childhood was spent in some form under her roof or in her backyard. Learning to cook, learning how to bake family recipes for the holidays, learning to sew, and so many other countless skills were taught by her. She helped us with homework after school, and kept us in line when we misbehaved. I don't think there was an aspect of my life she didn't touch or teach me about something, she was amazing!
When you have someone that has such a big role in your everyday life the thought never crosses your mind to a time when they won't be there. Your brain will literally not allow you to comprehend that place in time when that becomes your reality. That moment was the morning of April 16, 2008. My Grandmother, Annette Patricia Becker was gone.
I answered the phone call from my mom, still half asleep when she gave me the news through her own tears. At first I thought I was dreaming, but quickly realized it was indeed happening. It's like everything around you is moving in slow motion, you can feel your heart beat pounding in your ears, your mouth turns dry and your tongue feels almost to thick to swallow. The tears are streaming down your face and you're not even sure you can choke out a response. The worst part was having to call my Dad and have him call home without saying a word because my mom wanted to tell him. Everyone made their way to the nursing home to say their goodbyes and that was even worse. Walking into her room and seeing her there on the bed made it true. I can remember it like it was just yesterday.
There are moments when I still get emotional thinking about how much I miss her. Most of those memory triggers revolve around cooking, baking, or food,the funny thing is most of them have happened in my kitchen since buying our home last year. This past Christmas was our first in our new house so it was very special to me, and because it's my favorite holiday/time of year. I was standing in the kitchen baking Christmas cookies with P, it instantly reminded me of all the years I did that with Grandma. The recipe I was using was our family recipe, I was using her rolling pin, I half expected to hear her say "Check the cookies, sis.". I'm sure she would have had a good laugh at P covered from head to toe in flour. Another was just a couple of weeks ago while getting ready for Easter. My Dad finally found the lamb cake molds that she used every single year for as long as I can remember. He gave them to me so I could attempt to make a lamb cake for Easter. I was happy that the first attempt was perfect, if you've never made them before they're extremely tricky. If one step is off it can ruin the entire cake, so I was really proud of myself. The best complement came from my Dad, who after trying a bite told me how proud she would have been. When you're Grandmother is an amazing cook and baker any complement like that means a lot. She really was the best of the best in the kitchen. Another one that brings back memories is whenever P has spaghetti. She always enjoyed watching the little ones devour her spaghetti, especially when it was their first time trying it. All of us have a picture or two somewhere where we're sitting in the highchair covered in noodles and sauce. I plan to continue that and I'll document every spaghetti encounter I can get from P. =)
It's crazy to think that it's been 7 years since she passed. It feels like yesterday and another lifetime all in the same moment. I was in my early 20's, dating sometime all wrong for me, and just trying to figure out life. Now, here I am a couple months shy of 29, married to a wonderful man, a homeowner, and most importantly a Mother. My life would have never been the same if it wasn't for all of her love and ask the things she taught me. If I am half as strong and amazing as she was I would feel honored, she was truly the definition of a wonderful mother and grandmother. There are physical aspects of her that I'll probably never forget, her hair and her hands mostly, but I don't think I can remember her voice anymore Abed that really makes me sad. I will always carry her love and wisdom with me and will look back on my memories with her. I know that no matter what she will always be with me, watching over me from heaven.
I love you Gram!
No comments:
Post a Comment