For many women the moment they become a mom their 'pre-baby self' slowly starts to evolve or fade away, I myself am no different. I used to be the one always dressed up, hair done, never left the house without makeup kind of gal. I always had new shoes, cute handbags, sexy underwear, etc. And now here I am finally getting out of my pjs and taking a shower at 7pm, only to put on another set of jammies. Ha! There is no involvement of makeup, curling or straightening irons, false lashes, nail polish, etc. I occasionally miss that girl especially when I feel like I'm losing who I used to be, I sometimes wonder if I even have in me to be that girl again. As women we are always our own biggest critic and I'm not exempt from that.
Just today I looked in the bathroom mirror thinking how awful I looked. Standing there with messy unwashed hair bunched on top of my head, the hint of dark circles under my eyes, framed by some eyebrows in serious need of a wax(oops!), I honestly looked like I just crawled out of bed. Now I could be all philosophical here and tell you how physical appearance doesn't matter, blah, blah, blah! And while that may be true I have my moments where I wish I was still that girl who was wild and crazy, who took hours to get ready for date night, who felt good and carried herself with confidence. Sadly, that girl is not here anymore, I allowed her to be gobbled up by the all consuming beast that can be motherhood. And I think the fact that I stay home has exasperated the issue because every waking moment if my day revolves around being Mom. I don't have a job where I go to and am still Jessi. I don't get to pee alone, shower alone, and most nights I don't even get to eat my own dinner. The title of Mom and all that that encompasses has pushed Jessi to the furthest darkest corner of life's closet. She's sitting back there with the dust bunnies, skinny jeans, and probably my plaid uniform skirt from high school. Haha!
All joking aside I admit I've done a terrible job at keeping myself up and staying somewhat of who I used to be. I couldn't tell you the last date night we had, or the last girls night I went to. Hell, tonight was the first time I'd showered alone in weeks!(Thank you, God!) I should probably start wearing makeup again, and drop the sweat pants and t shirts, maybe I'll even make it in for an eyebrow wax, and a dye job to hide these grays. Maybe I'll even get to shower long enough to shave my legs! I'm sure my husband would appreciate seeing the 'old me' and maybe it would help me not feel so lost.
So my challenge for you moms hanging out at home in your sweatpants with your dirty hair is this. Take a day or two this week where you actually get dressed, put on some makeup(yes, lip gloss and mascara are fine!) and try to get in touch with your old self. Bring her out from the back of life's 'closet', brush of the dust bunnies, and let her see the light of day. Your significant other will probably wonder what's going on and will likely worry they've forgotten an important date and you can mess with them if they think that, I totally would do it to my hubby. And if you feel brave enough post a picture and share what happened, I'd love to hear all about it.
Jessi
Although I don't take it to the extreme that many mamas do (mostly because my boys are more independent now at 2.5 & 4), I am guilty of this. Although I manage to put on some basic makeup, shower, and get dressed every day, I can't remember the last time I did something for ME or went on a date night. I think we all need reminders that it's okay to take a step down from our roles as "mama" and take a few minutes to ourselves or to enjoy a personal hobby once in awhile. I used to love to read, for example, and I haven't picked up a book (unless you count What To Expect) since I had Elliot...
ReplyDeleteI can't really relate to the makeup and the handbags, etc., as I've never been that kind of girl. I hear ya on the showers, though. I miss long, luxurious, hot, showers taken every other day instead of infrequent, hurried ones with a toddler trying to bust in on me. There is one thing that seems inexplicably lost now that I'm a Mom, though. Music. I just don't seem to actively listen to anything anymore. It's become background noise. And dancing. They go hand in hand, don't they? All day, I was grooving. I didn't just move about the house, I danced and slid and pivoted about it. Cooking, baking, cleaning- there was grooving going on. Now I seem to go ages without putting something on to consciously listen to and enjoy it. It definitely seems to effect my mood. Being in the midst of this "terrible twos" business, things have been especially frustrating and exhausting lately. I was getting in quite the slump. Then, last night, I got in my head to make cookies. So, I put on a playlist of some new artists I wanted to look into, took some dough I'd made for Christmas put never used and went to it. Before I knew it, I was dancing around the kitchen, singing. Chloe was dancing around with me. We were laughing at each other. Everyone was so relaxed and cheerful. I felt normal. The mood lingered today too, and it was not one of Chloe's best days either. I put more music on while cooking dinner tonight, and it was another night of dancing and singing. I need to remember this link I have to music and not leave it so long all the time!
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